It can be confusing and disorienting when a narcissist discards you, seemingly out of nowhere. You may have been in a relationship with them for months or even years, and suddenly they pull the rug out from under you, leaving you feeling abandoned and betrayed.
But sometimes, even after the discard, the narcissist will try to come back into your life. Here are eight reasons why a narcissist might come back after discarding you:
1. They Miss the Attention
One of the main reasons a narcissist might come back after discarding you is that they miss the attention and validation that they received from you. Narcissists crave attention and praise, and they often feel empty and unfulfilled without it.
Even if they were the ones who ended the relationship, they may feel a sense of loss and try to come back to fill the void.
2. They Want to Reassert Control
Narcissists thrive on control, and they may come back after discarding you in order to reestablish their power over you.
They may try to manipulate you into thinking that you need them or that they are the only ones who can meet your needs.
This can be a way for them to regain control over the relationship and over you.
3. They Want to Keep You as a Backup Plan
Narcissists often keep people around as backup plans in case their current relationships don’t work out. If they come back after discarding you, it may be because they want to keep you on standby in case they need you in the future.
This can be a way for them to ensure that they always have someone to turn to if things don’t go their way.
4. They Want to Rekindle the Relationship
In some cases, a narcissist may come back after discarding you because they genuinely want to rekindle the relationship.
This can happen if they realize that they made a mistake in ending the relationship or if they miss the connection that they had with you.
However, it’s important to be cautious in these situations, as narcissists may not have genuine intentions and may simply be trying to use you again.
5. They Want to Hoover You
Hoovering is a term used to describe the way that narcissists try to suck their victims back into the relationship after they have been discarded. This can involve love-bombing, manipulation, and other tactics designed to make you feel like you need the narcissist in your life.
If a narcissist comes back after discarding you, it may be because they are trying to hoover you back in.
6. They Want to Use You for Something
Narcissists often see other people as objects to be used for their own purposes. If they come back after discarding you, it may be because they want something from you, such as money, sex, or emotional support.
They may pretend to be interested in reconciling the relationship, but in reality, they are simply trying to get something from you.
7. They Want to Punish You
Narcissists can be vindictive and may come back after discarding you in order to punish you for perceived slights or for ending the relationship. They may use this as an opportunity to try to hurt you emotionally or to get revenge for what they see as your betrayal.
8. They Want to Fuel Their Ego
Finally, narcissists may come back after discarding you simply to fuel their own ego. They may want to see if they still have power over you or if they can make you want them again. This can be a way for them to feel better about themselves and to satisfy their own need for attention and validation.
How to Deal with a Narcissist Who Comes Back After Discarding You
Dealing with a narcissist who comes back after discarding you can be challenging and emotionally draining. Here are some tips to help you navigate this difficult situation:
Set Boundaries
If a narcissist comes back after discarding you, it’s important to set clear boundaries. Let them know what you will and won’t tolerate in the relationship, and be prepared to walk away if they can’t respect your boundaries.
Be Wary of Love-Bombing
Narcissists often use love-bombing as a tactic to win back their victims. This can involve showering you with attention, compliments, and gifts in order to make you feel special and valued. However, it’s important to be wary of this behavior, as it can be a red flag that the narcissist is trying to manipulate you.
Take Time to Think
If a narcissist comes back after discarding you, take some time to think before you respond. Don’t feel like you have to make a decision right away, and don’t let the narcissist pressure you into reconciling the relationship if you’re not ready.
Seek Support
Dealing with a narcissist can be isolating and lonely, so it’s important to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. Having someone to talk to can help you process your emotions and make a plan for how to move forward.
Focus on Yourself
When a narcissist comes back after discarding you, it can be tempting to focus all your energy on the relationship and trying to make it work. However, it’s important to prioritize your own needs and well-being. Take time to focus on your own goals and interests, and don’t let the narcissist consume all your time and attention.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, there are many reasons why a narcissist might come back after discarding you. Whether they miss the attention, want to reassert control, or are simply trying to use you for something, it’s important to be cautious and set clear boundaries.
Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and don’t let a narcissist make you feel otherwise. If you need help navigating this difficult situation, don’t hesitate to reach out for support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.