We all have beliefs that we learned from our parents. Unfortunately, for some of us, these beliefs were taught to us by narcissistic parents. These parents are often very manipulative and can leave their children feeling confused and abandoned.
As adults, we may still hold onto these irrational beliefs without realizing it. In this story, I will explore the irrational beliefs we learn from narcissistic parents and how to heal them.
1. I am not good enough.
It is not uncommon for children of narcissistic parents to grow up with the belief that they are somehow not good enough. This can result from constant criticism, emotional manipulation, and a sense of competition often present in homes with narcissistic parents.
As children, we try to please our parents and meet their high standards. However, no matter how hard we try, it always seems like we fall short. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
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Sometimes, this belief can follow us into adulthood and cause problems in our relationships and careers. If you find yourself constantly doubting your worth, it may be time to address this issue head-on. Only then can you start to heal the wounds of your childhood and move forward with your life.
2. I must be perfect
Many of us grew up with narcissistic parents who taught us that to be loved; we had to be perfect. As a result, we develop an irrational belief that we must be perfect to be loved and accepted.
This can lead to a lifelong quest for perfection that is impossible to achieve. We may strive for perfection in our appearance, achievements, or relationships, but no matter how hard we try, we will never be perfect.
This can lead to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, and self-doubt. It is important to remember that we are imperfect beings, making us beautiful and unique. We should embrace our imperfections and learn to love ourselves just the way we are.
3. I am not entitled to my feelings or thoughts.
Most of us learn early on that expressing our true feelings or thoughts is not always best. Sometimes, it may be more appropriate to keep our opinions to ourselves. But for many people who grew up with narcissistic parents, this lesson is taken to an extreme.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent taught you that your feelings and thoughts didn’t matter. You were expected to put your parent’s needs first and always stay in their good graces. As a result, you may have found yourself suppressing your true self to please them.
This can lead to a lot of bottled-up anger and resentment over time. It can also make it difficult to form healthy relationships in adulthood, as you may be scared to express your true self for fear of rejection.
If you struggle with this, it’s important to remember that you are entitled to your thoughts and feelings. You don’t have to keep them suppressed to please others.
4. I must do what others want me to do.
Narcissistic parents often have high expectations of their children and can be critical. They may also withhold love and attention if their children don’t meet their expectations.
As a result, children of narcissistic parents can learn to believe that they must do what others want them to do to be loved and accepted. This can lead to people-pleasing behavior and a need for approval that can last into adulthood.
Find yourself constantly trying to please others or feeling like you’re not good enough. It may be time to explore how your early relationships with your parents may be impacting your current beliefs about yourself.
5. I am not allowed to disagree with others.
Narcissistic parents often demand unquestioning respect and obedience from their children. They may do this by belittling or devaluing any opinion that differs from theirs or making it clear that disagreement is not tolerated.
As a result, children of narcissists may learn to suppress their views and opinions, even when they genuinely disagree. This can lead to a sense of self-doubt and insecurity, as well as a fear of speaking up or being assertive. In relationships, this can manifest as people pleaser behavior, whereby the individual always puts the needs of others above their own.
How to heal the damage done by a narcissistic parent?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to heal the damage done by a narcissistic parent will vary depending on the individual. However, some tips on how to begin healing the damage include:
- Find a therapist or counselor to help you work through the pain and trauma you experienced at the hands of your narcissistic parent.
- Expressing your feelings of grief, anger, and betrayal safely and healthily, whether through journaling, talking with friends, or participating in support groups.
- Make time for self-care, including activities that make you happy and help you relax.
- Working on building healthy relationships with others, including friends, family members, and romantic partners.
- Developing a stronger sense of self-identity and self-worth can be difficult but is possible with time and effort.
If you had a narcissistic parent, there’s a good chance that you learned some irrational beliefs about yourself. These beliefs can be tough to shake, but with time and effort, you can heal the damage done by your parents.
Sharing your experience in the comments box below may help others struggling with similar issues. We wish you all the best on your healing journey.