We gain beliefs taught to us by parents. Sadly, some learned from narcissists. These narcissistic parents manipulate, leaving kids confused, abandoned.
As grown-ups, we may keep irrational beliefs unaware. This explores beliefs from narcissist parents and healing them.
1. I’m not adequate.
It’s typical for kids with narcissist parents to feel inadequate. This stems from constant criticism, emotional games, and rivalry often present. We try pleasing parents, meeting high standards. But no matter how hard we try, we fall short. This breeds feeling unworthy, low self-esteem.
This belief can linger into adulthood, causing relationship/career issues. If doubting worth constantly, address it directly. Only then can childhood wounds heal and life progress.
2. Perfection is mandatory
Many grew up learning from narcissist parents that to be loved, we must be perfect. Thus, we develop the irrational belief perfection equals love, acceptance.
Sometimes, people pursue perfection relentlessly in appearances, accomplishments, or relationships. Despite efforts, flawlessness remains unattainable. This endless striving might spark feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and self-doubt. However, recognizing our imperfections as unique, beautiful traits can foster self-acceptance and love.
From childhood, expressing authentic thoughts or emotions isn’t always advisable. Yet for many raised by narcissistic parents, this lesson becomes extreme. Their feelings and opinions didn’t matter – pleasing parental needs took priority, suppressing true selves. Over time, this breeds repressed anger, resentment, and difficulty forming healthy adult relationships due to fear of rejection when authentic.
3. My feelings and thoughts lack entitlement.
Remembering we’re entitled to our thoughts and emotions, without needing to suppress them for others’ approval, is crucial.
4. I must comply with others’ expectations.
Growing up with narcissistic parents conditioned obedience – you had to do what they wanted to stay in their good graces. This undermined your autonomy and self-determination. However, healthy adulthood requires shedding this toxic belief and asserting your right to make your own choices without undue external influence.
Narcissistic parents often have high expectations of their children and can be critical. They may also withhold love and attention if their children don’t meet their expectations.
As a result, children of narcissistic parents can learn to believe that they must do what others want them to do to be loved and accepted. This can lead to people-pleasing behavior and a need for approval that can last into adulthood.
Find yourself constantly trying to please others or feeling like you’re not good enough. It may be time to explore how your early relationships with your parents may be impacting your current beliefs about yourself.
5. I am not allowed to disagree with others.
Narcissistic parents often demand unquestioning respect and obedience from their children. They may do this by belittling or devaluing any opinion that differs from theirs or making it clear that disagreement is not tolerated.
As a result, children of narcissists may learn to suppress their views and opinions, even when they genuinely disagree. This can lead to a sense of self-doubt and insecurity, as well as a fear of speaking up or being assertive. In relationships, this can manifest as people pleaser behavior, whereby the individual always puts the needs of others above their own.
How to heal the damage done by a narcissistic parent?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to heal the damage done by a narcissistic parent will vary depending on the individual. However, some tips on how to begin healing the damage include:
- Find a therapist or counselor to help you work through the pain and trauma you experienced at the hands of your narcissistic parent.
- Expressing your feelings of grief, anger, and betrayal safely and healthily, whether through journaling, talking with friends, or participating in support groups.
- Make time for self-care, including activities that make you happy and help you relax.
- Working on building healthy relationships with others, including friends, family members, and romantic partners.
- Developing a stronger sense of self-identity and self-worth can be difficult but is possible with time and effort.
Last words
If you had a narcissistic parent, there’s a good chance that you learned some irrational beliefs about yourself. These beliefs can be tough to shake, but with time and effort, you can heal the damage done by your parents.