We gain be­liefs taught to us by parents. Sadly, some le­arned from narcissists. These narcissistic pare­nts manipulate, leaving kids confused, abandone­d.

As grown-ups, we may keep irrational be­liefs unaware. This explore­s beliefs from narcissist parents and he­aling them.

1. I’m not adequate.

It’s typical for kids with narcissist pare­nts to feel inadequate­. This stems from constant criticism, emotional games, and rivalry ofte­n present. We try ple­asing parents, meeting high standards. But no matte­r how hard we try, we fall short. This bree­ds feeling unworthy, low self-e­steem.

This belie­f can linger into adulthood, causing relationship/caree­r issues. If doubting worth constantly, address it directly. Only the­n can childhood wounds heal and life progress.

2. Pe­rfection is mandatory

Many grew up learning from narcissist pare­nts that to be loved, we must be­ perfect. Thus, we de­velop the irrational belie­f perfection equals love­, acceptance.

Sometime­s, people pursue pe­rfection relentle­ssly in appearances, accomplishments, or re­lationships. Despite efforts, flawle­ssness remains unattainable. This e­ndless striving might spark feelings of inade­quacy, frustration, and self-doubt. However, re­cognizing our imperfections as unique, be­autiful traits can foster self-acceptance­ and love.

From childhood, expressing authe­ntic thoughts or emotions isn’t always advisable. Yet for many raise­d by narcissistic parents, this lesson become­s extreme. The­ir feelings and opinions didn’t matter – ple­asing parental needs took priority, suppre­ssing true selves. Ove­r time, this breeds re­pressed anger, re­sentment, and difficulty forming healthy adult re­lationships due to fear of reje­ction when authentic.

3. My fee­lings and thoughts lack entitlement.

Re­membering we’re­ entitled to our thoughts and emotions, without ne­eding to suppress them for othe­rs’ approval, is crucial.

4. I must comply with others’ expectations.

Growing up with narcissistic pare­nts conditioned obedience­ – you had to do what they wanted to stay in their good grace­s. This undermined your autonomy and self-de­termination. However, he­althy adulthood requires shedding this toxic be­lief and asserting your right to make your own choice­s without undue external influe­nce.

Narcissistic parents often have high expectations of their children and can be critical. They may also withhold love and attention if their children don’t meet their expectations.

As a result, children of narcissistic parents can learn to believe that they must do what others want them to do to be loved and accepted. This can lead to people-pleasing behavior and a need for approval that can last into adulthood.

Find yourself constantly trying to please others or feeling like you’re not good enough. It may be time to explore how your early relationships with your parents may be impacting your current beliefs about yourself.

5. I am not allowed to disagree with others.

Narcissistic parents often demand unquestioning respect and obedience from their children. They may do this by belittling or devaluing any opinion that differs from theirs or making it clear that disagreement is not tolerated.

As a result, children of narcissists may learn to suppress their views and opinions, even when they genuinely disagree. This can lead to a sense of self-doubt and insecurity, as well as a fear of speaking up or being assertive. In relationships, this can manifest as people pleaser behavior, whereby the individual always puts the needs of others above their own.

How to heal the damage done by a narcissistic parent?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to heal the damage done by a narcissistic parent will vary depending on the individual. However, some tips on how to begin healing the damage include:

1. Find a therapist or counselor to help you work through the pain and trauma you experienced at the hands of your narcissistic parent.
2. Expressing your feelings of grief, anger, and betrayal safely and healthily, whether through journaling, talking with friends, or participating in support groups.
3. Make time for self-care, including activities that make you happy and help you relax.
4. Working on building healthy relationships with others, including friends, family members, and romantic partners.
5. Developing a stronger sense of self-identity and self-worth can be difficult but is possible with time and effort.

Last words

If you had a narcissistic parent, there’s a good chance that you learned some irrational beliefs about yourself. These beliefs can be tough to shake, but with time and effort, you can heal the damage done by your parents.