Do you find yourself in a situation where someone is sending confusing messages? Are they flirting and then withdrawing, giving compliments one day but disappearing the next? Chances are that you may be dealing with Narcissistic Breadcrumbing.
This type of manipulative behavior can leave victims feeling exhausted, rejected, and confused while they’re simultaneously receiving just enough attention to disincentivize them from leaving the relationship.
In this blog post we will discuss what Narcissistic Breadcrumbing looks like, what warning signs to look out for, Breadcrumbing red flags, and how best to respond if you suspect someone of engaging in narcissistic breadcrumbing behavior.
By understanding these dynamics we can all protect ourselves from becoming entangled in such unhealthy relationships.
What is Narcissistic Breadcrumbing?
Narcissistic breadcrumbing is a manipulative tactic used by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder to keep their romantic partners hooked and interested in them.
It involves giving small signs of affection or interest, but never fully committing to the relationship. This behavior can be emotionally abusive and controlling, as it keeps the partner in a state of uncertainty and anxiety.
Narcissists may use breadcrumbing as a way to boost their own ego and feel desired, without actually caring about the other person’s feelings or needs.
Breadcrumbing Psychology
Breadcrumbing is a manipulative behavior that happens in dating, where one person leads another on by giving them just enough attention or affection to keep them interested, but without any intention of pursuing a real relationship.
This can be done through occasional messages, phone calls, date plans, or social media interactions.
The term “Breadcrumbing” comes from the idea of leaving breadcrumbs to lead someone along a path, only to ultimately leave them lost and alone.
Psychologically, breadcrumbing can be seen as a form of emotional manipulation. The person doing the breadcrumbing may enjoy the attention and validation they receive from leading someone on, but they are not truly invested in the other person’s feelings or well-being.
They may also have a fear of commitment or intimacy and use breadcrumbing as a way to avoid getting too close to someone.
Signs of Narcissistic Breadcrumbing
If you’re unsure whether you’re dealing with a Narcissistic Breadcrumber, there are several signs to look out for. These people often exhibit certain patterns of behavior that can be frustrating and confusing. Here are some signs to watch for:
- Narcissistic Breadcrumber contact you when it’s convenient for them. This could mean that they only reach out to you when they’re bored or when they need something from you.
2. They make promises they don’t keep. They might tell you that they’ll do something, but then they don’t follow through on their word.
3. They give mixed signals and leave you confused about their intentions. They might say one thing, but then do another, leaving you wondering what they really want.
4. They talk about themselves constantly and show little interest in your life. Narcissistic breadcrumbers tend to focus on themselves and their own needs, rather than showing genuine interest in the people around them.
5. Narcissistic Breadcrumber manipulate situations to make themselves look good. They might twist the truth or exaggerate their accomplishments to make themselves appear more impressive.
6. Narcissistic Breadcrumber belittle or dismiss your feelings and needs. Narcissistic breadcrumbers often lack empathy and may not take your feelings into account when making decisions.
7. They use guilt or shame to control your behavior. They might make you feel guilty for not doing something they want, or shame you for your choices.
8. They are quick to anger or become defensive when confronted. If you try to confront a narcissistic breadcrumber about their behavior, they may become defensive or angry.
9. They blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings. Narcissistic breadcrumbers often have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions and may blame others instead.
Why Narcissists Breadcrumb?
Narcissists like to breadcrumb because they want attention and approval from others. Breadcrumbing means someone sends flirty or suggestive messages to keep someone interested, even though they don’t want a real relationship.
Narcissists do this to feel good about themselves and control the situation, while keeping their options open.
Red flags of Narcissistic Breadcrumb
Here are some Narcissistic Breadcrumb red flags to watch out:
1. Inconsistent Communication
Narcissistic breadcrumbers will have erratic communication patterns. They may go for long periods without contacting you, and then suddenly bombard you with messages or calls.
2. Mixed Signals
They will send you mixed signals, such as flirting with you one day, and then acting distant or aloof the next.
3. Lack of Commitment
They will avoid making plans with you or committing to anything long-term. You may find that they are constantly changing their minds or canceling plans.
4. Self-Centered Behavior
Narcissists are notoriously self-centered and will often talk about themselves without showing much interest in your life. They may dominate conversations and not give you a chance to speak.
5. Love-Bombing Followed by Withdrawal
They may shower you with attention and affection at first, but then suddenly withdraw and become distant. This can be confusing and emotionally draining for the person being breadcrumbed.
Examples of Narcissistic Breadcrumbing
Here are some examples of Narcissistic breadcrumbing
A. The “I miss you” text:
The Narcissistic Breadcrumber sends a text out of the blue, saying they miss you. You respond with excitement, hoping to hear from them more. However, they don’t keep up the communication and disappear again for weeks.
B. The “just checking in” message
The breadcrumber sends a message to ask how you’re doing, but they don’t show much interest in your response. They may respond with something vague and non-committal, leaving you feeling unimportant.
C. The “let’s hang out sometime” offer
The breadcrumber suggests getting together for a meal or drinks, but never follows through with making concrete plans. When you try to follow up, they either ignore your messages or come up with excuses for why they can’t meet up. This leaves you feeling confused and let down.
Overall, these examples of narcissistic breadcrumbing demonstrate how the breadcrumber manipulates the situation to keep you interested, without any intention of committing to a genuine relationship.
They use flattery and empty promises to keep you hooked, while avoiding any real commitment or effort.
Impact of Narcissistic Breadcrumbing
Narcissistic breadcrumbing can have a significant impact on the person being breadcrumbed. The experience can be emotionally draining and damaging, as the person is strung along by someone who has no real interest in committing to a relationship.
Here are some potential impacts of narcissistic breadcrumbing:
1. Low self-esteem
Being breadcrumbed can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. The constant mixed signals and lack of commitment can leave a person feeling like they are not good enough or worthy of a genuine relationship.
2. Emotional instability
The inconsistency and unpredictability of the breadcrumber’s behavior can lead to emotional instability. The person being breadcrumbed may feel anxious, stressed, and on edge, never knowing when the breadcrumber will disappear again or send a message.
3. Time wasted
Narcissistic breadcrumbing can waste a lot of time and energy. The person being breadcrumbed may invest a lot of effort into trying to maintain the relationship, only to be let down repeatedly.
4. Loss of trust
Being breadcrumbed can lead to a loss of trust in future relationships. The person may become more guarded and hesitant to invest emotionally in future partners, fearing they will be let down again.
5. Feelings of betrayal
If the person being breadcrumbed eventually realizes that the breadcrumber has no intention of committing to a genuine relationship, they may feel betrayed and used. This can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, and distrust.
Breadcrumbing vs. Gaslighting
Breadcrumbing and gaslighting are both behaviors that can cause emotional distress in relationships, but they are distinct from each other.
Breadcrumbing is a dating trend where someone sends occasional messages or flirts with someone they are not really interested in, leading the other person to believe there is potential for a relationship.
This behavior can string the other person along and create false hope, leading to frustration and disappointment when it becomes clear that the breadcrumbing was not leading to anything substantial.
Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a form of emotional abuse where someone manipulates another person into questioning their own perceptions and reality. This can involve denying the other person’s experiences, feelings, or memories, and making them feel like they are going crazy or imagining things.
Gaslighting can be used to gain power and control over the other person, and can lead to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and even trauma.
While both Breadcrumbing and Gaslighting can be harmful behaviors in relationships, they operate in different ways and can have different effects on the people involved.
Ghosting Vs. Breadcrumbing
Ghosting is when someone abruptly ends all communication with another person without any explanation. This can happen in any type of relationship, not just romantic ones. It’s a form of emotional avoidance that can be incredibly hurtful to the person who has been ghosted.
Breadcrumbing, on the other hand, is when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested but never actually commits to anything. They might send flirty texts or make plans but then cancel at the last minute or disappear for days at a time. Breadcrumbing can be just as damaging as ghosting because it keeps you hanging on and hoping for something more.
Is Breadcrumbing emotional abuse?
According to psychologists, breadcrumbing can be a form of emotional abuse as it involves manipulating someone’s emotions and leading them on with false hope. It can cause psychological harm by creating feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, and anxiety.
Breadcrumbing can also be a sign of narcissistic behavior as the person doing it may enjoy the power they have over their partner’s emotions.
What happens when you ignore a Narcissist Breadcrumber?
Ignoring a narcissist breadcrumber can be challenging because they may try to draw you back in with more breadcrumbs or even escalate their behavior. They may start sending more messages, showing up unexpectedly, or even trying to make you jealous by posting on social media.
However, ignoring them is still the best course of action. It’s important to remember that narcissists thrive on attention and drama, so any response from you will only fuel their behavior. By ignoring them, you’re taking away their power and control over you.
How to respond to Narcissist Breadcrumbing?
Dealing with a narcissist who is breadcrumbing you can be difficult, but there are some approaches that can help you handle the situation.
A. Set clear boundaries
Communicate your expectations and limits to the narcissist. Make it clear what kind of communication and behavior you will and won’t tolerate. Be clear about your needs and expectations.
B. Don’t engage with Narcissistic breadcrumbs
Breadcrumbs are often intended to provoke a response. Resist the urge to engage with the narcissist every time they reach out. Instead, focus on your own life and interests.
C. Cut ties if necessary
If the breadcrumbing persists despite your efforts to set boundaries or communicate your needs, it may be time to cut ties. Remember that you have the right to be treated with respect and dignity in any relationship.
D. Call out their behavior
If you feel comfortable, confront the narcissist about their behavior. Let them know that you are aware of what they are doing and that it is not acceptable.
D. Be mindful of your well-being
It’s important to take care of yourself while dealing with a narcissist. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and prioritize self-care to maintain your emotional and mental health.
Last words
Narcissistic breadcrumbing can create a trying situation for its victims. It undermines self-determination, erodes trust and respect, and leaves the individual confused and without closure.
It is important for us to recognize the manipulation tactics of those who engage in narcissistic breadcrumbing. We should do our best to protect ourselves from this malicious behavior by recognizing signs that may indicate potential narcissistic behaviors from others, paying attention to any red flags like ghosting or erratic behavior, and setting clear boundaries with anyone who seems to be engaging in these types of activities.
Narcissistic breadcrumbing is an insidious form of abuse that can derail all sorts of relationships if left unchecked. Awareness and diligence are key when it comes to protecting ourselves from being taken advantage of in this way, so be sure you stay vigilant!
Sources:
- “Breadcrumbing”, the tactic narcissists and insecure use when flirting By lasillarota.com
- What Is Breadcrumbing? A Relationship Expert Explains By Brides
- Breadcrumbing in Narcissistic Relationships By Counselling Insight