Are you or someone you know struggling with narcissistic abuse? You're not alone. However, many people make common mistakes when dealing with this type of abuse, leading to further harm. Read on to learn about the 10 mistakes to avoid and how to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse.
Dealing with narcissistic abuse is an incredibly difficult and complex experience that can leave lasting scars on a person's mental health and wellbeing. Unfortunately, many people fail to recognize the severity of this type of abuse or misunderstand how to effectively manage it. As a result, individuals dealing with narcissistic abuse can often make mistakes that perpetuate the abuse and prevent them from healing. In this blog post, I will discuss 10 common mistakes that people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse.
By understanding these mistakes and learning how to avoid them, victims of narcissistic abuse can take the first steps towards healing and regaining control of their lives.
1. Assuming that the abuser is rational and capable of empathy
Assuming that the abuser is rational and capable of empathy is a common mistake that people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse. Many people assume that the abuser will eventually recognize the harm they are causing and be willing to change their behavior.
However, this is often not the case with narcissists. Narcissists have a distorted sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy for others. They are unable to acknowledge their own flaws and may use manipulation, gaslighting, and other tactics to control and abuse their victims.
By assuming that the abuser is rational and capable of empathy, victims of narcissistic abuse may end up blaming themselves for the abuse, believing that they are somehow responsible for the abuser's behavior. They may also feel helpless and trapped in the relationship, hoping that the abuser will change and unable to recognize the severity of the abuse.
Instead, it is important to recognize that narcissists are often unable or unwilling to change their behavior. Victims of narcissistic abuse should focus on setting boundaries, seeking support from friends and family, and seeking professional help to process the trauma and heal from the abuse. By recognizing the limitations of the abuser and focusing on their own well-being, victims can begin to take steps towards healing and regaining control of their lives.
2. Believing that things will change if you just do things differently
One common mistake people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse is believing that the abuse will stop or the relationship will improve if they just change their own behavior or do things differently. This is a misconception that stems from the belief that the victim has some control over the abuser's behavior, which is not the case with narcissistic individuals.
Narcissistic individuals are known for their manipulative and controlling behavior, and they are often unwilling or unable to recognize the harm they cause to others. They may blame their victims for their behavior, make excuses, or deny responsibility for their actions.
Thus, victims of narcissistic abuse cannot change the abuser's behavior or make the relationship healthy by themselves. It takes both parties to be willing to work together, and in cases of narcissistic abuse, the abuser is usually not willing to do so.
3. Giving up your own needs in order to appease the abuser
Narcissistic abuse can be incredibly damaging. It can cause long-term emotional trauma and wreak havoc on your self-esteem. One of the most common mistakes people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse is giving up their own needs in order to appease the abuser.
This is often done in an effort to avoid further conflict or to try to please the abuser. However, this simply reinforces the abusive dynamic and does nothing to address the underlying issues.
It is important to remember that you have a right to your own needs and wants and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Giving up your own needs in order to placate an abuser will only lead to more pain in the long run.
4. Trying to fix or change the narcissist
It’s important to understand that narcissists are not capable of change. Any attempt to change them will only result in further manipulation and abuse. Instead of trying to fix the narcissist, it’s important to focus on your own healing and recovery.
This is the only way to break free from the cycle of abuse. If you try to fix or change a narcissist, they will further manipulate and abuse you.
You should focus on your healing and recovery to break free from the narcissistic abuse cycle.
5. Minimizing or denying the abuse
One common mistake people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse is that they minimize or deny the abuse. This can be a result of many factors, including feeling embarrassed, ashamed, or believing that the narcissist is “not really that bad.”
However, minimizing or denying the abuse can have serious consequences. It can prevent you from seeking help, cause you to doubt your own experiences, and make it more difficult to recover from the abuse.
If you are dealing with narcissistic abuse, it is important to acknowledge the reality of the situation and seek out support from professionals or other survivors.
Only by recognizing the severity of the abuse can you hope to protect yourself from further harm.
6. Allowing yourself to be isolated from friends and family
Narcissistic abuse can be a very difficult thing to deal with. One of the most common mistakes that people make is allowing themselves to be isolated from friends and family. This is usually done by the narcissist in order to control their victim.
They may say things like, “You’re not worth anyone’s time” or “No one cares about you”. This can cause the victim to start believing these things and as a result, they will isolate themselves.
This isolation can lead to further abuse as the narcissist now has complete control over their victim. It is important to reach out to friends and family if you are in a narcissistic relationship, as they can provide support and help you to see the situation more clearly.
Narcissistic abuse can be difficult to deal with but it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and who will help you through this difficult time.
7. Accepting blame for the abuse or feeling guilty about it
One of the most difficult things about narcissistic abuse is that it can be hard to tell what’s happening, even as it’s happening. Because narcissists are masters of manipulation, they often gaslight their victims, making them doubt their own experiences and memories.
As a result, many people who have been narcissistic abused find themselves feeling guilty or responsible for the abuse, even though it wasn’t their fault. This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make when dealing with narcissistic abuse.
Accepting blame for the abuse will only give the narcissist more power over you and make it harder to break free from the cycle of abuse. Instead, focus on healing yourself and building a support network of family and friends who can believe you and help you through this difficult time.
8. Staying in the relationship out of fear
When it comes to dealing with narcissistic abuse, one of the biggest mistakes people can make is staying in the relationship out of fear. This is often because the abuser has made threats about what will happen if the victim tries to leave.
They may say that they will hurt themselves or even kill themselves. In some cases, the abuser may even threaten to hurt or kill the victim’s family or friends.
As a result, the victim may feel like they have no choice but to stay in the relationship. However, it is important to remember that no one deserves to be treated this way. If you are in a situation like this, it is important to reach out for help from a friend or family member.
You can also contact a local domestic violence hotline for more information on how to get out of an abusive relationship safely.
9. Falling back into the narcissistic abuse cycle
One mistake people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse is that they fall back into the narcissistic abuse cycle. This is when the narcissist takes advantage of your weaknesses and uses them against you.
For example, they may promise to change and be better but then go back to their old ways. Or, they may say they are sorry and that they will never do it again, but then they do. This can be extremely confusing and frustrating, but it is important to remember that the narcissist is not going to change.
They are only interested in themselves and their own needs. If you want to break free from the narcissistic abuse cycle, you need to be strong and have a solid support system in place. Only then can you begin to heal and move on with your life.
10. Giving up their own life and identity to become the narcissist’s idealized partner
The last mistake people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse is that they give up their own life and identity to become the narcissist’s idealized partner. This is a huge mistake for several reasons.
First, it’s impossible to maintain this facade forever. Eventually, the cracks will start to show and the narcissist will lose interest. Second, even if you are able to maintain the facade for a while, you will end up sacrificing your own happiness in the process.
You will be living a lie, and that is not a healthy way to live. Finally, by giving up your own life and identity, you are essentially giving the narcissist control over you. You are giving them power over your emotions and your wellbeing.
It is much better to maintain your own identity, even if it means facing the narcissist’s wrath. By doing so, you will be preserving your own sanity and well-being in the long run.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, or you have recently left one, it’s important to be aware of the common mistakes people make when dealing with narcissistic abuse.
By avoiding these missteps, you can increase your chances of healing and recover from the trauma inflicted by a narcissist.
Have you made any of these mistakes? What other advice do you have for those trying to heal after narcissistic abuse? Share your experience in the comments below.